I'm too old to feel this kind of pain, but I do.
I don't like saying "I'm too old" I was never able to enjoy my youth. Fear has gripped me nearly all my days. I hate myself at the moment. I feel ugly. I don't desire what I have and I don't have what I desire. I want someone to come to me. Fulfill me. Everything I have, I had to get. I don't know how much more strength there is inside me.
I would be angry at God if I wasn't so sure he didn't exist.